And it breaks my heart. And it burnt me out.
Essay on the Relationship between Counsellor and Counselee Article shared by The help of a counsellor is sought or accepted because the counselee has perceived that his own resources are not entirely adequate to resolve the difficulty or to surmount the developmental task.
If the problem tends to be one which is particularly disturbing, the counselee is likely to feel that he is very much alone—that his difficulty, thoughts, and feelings are unique. Many come to the counsellor, not with any great degree of hope, but with a willingness to pay for companionship. For these and countless similar reasons, the core of counselling is an interpersonal relationship.
The quality of relationship is what determines the effectiveness of the therapist, teacher, counsellor, social worker, and the parent. There are several aspects of this relationship which, because they are susceptible to development, are worthy of attention.
Bearing in mind that the counsellor must help as well as to understand, it is important to distinguish between sympathy and empathy. The concept is limited in the sense that we can never share completely the feelings, attitudes, and actions of another—through it does seem that identical twins often come very close to it.
Rogers asserts that empathy is rarely received and rarely offered because one runs the risk of being changed in the process. But the effort to be empathic is appreciated.
Counsellors should be involved in sensitivity sessions, interpersonal dynamics, and self-examination. It may be called a variety of names and should entail a variety of approaches. Involvement, as was suggested in the discussion of empathy, is perceived by many to be essential to an optimally productive counselling process.
Being subjectively involved tends to keep the counselee emotionally involved. It is a matter of being keenly interested in helping another resolve some of his difficulties; it involves human warmth and psychological closeness.
Subjective involvement must, however, be balanced by professional objectivity. It is a difficult skill to teach because 1. People think they know how to do it, 2. There has been no distinction made between hearing and listening, and because, 3.
One is in such haste to help another that he must speak his words of wisdom—to which the counselee will probably not listen because of limitations quite similar to those listed.
Listening as a technique has two advantages in a counselling milieu.
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One is that we can become aware of—and formulate hypotheses, if not draw conclusions from—changes in speech rate, accompanying breathing patterns, levels of intensity, and varying choices of words. But the technique is much less important that is the process of counselling, in which the matter of feeling becomes ascendant.
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